I woke up this morning wondering what a soulmate is, it's someone that is always there for you and is afraid to leave you. I wondered if Tyler was a soulmate. Never thought he was because it seemed he was dating me for a joke. We've been dating for almost 1 year now and it had seemed like he was happy in our relationship, but I always overthought things. Being a 15-year-old girl with depression and anxiety is hard, and I overthink so much, so I feel Tyler will leave me. We get in so many little fights and it makes me so upset and worried that he will just randomly leave me. Other times I swear we have the happiest relationship, but in reality, I just want to cry. I really need to talk to Tyler about this because it is very important.
I talked to Tyler, I tried to explain to him how I feel but I don't believe he understood me. He tried to explain to me that he loves me and I am his everything. But of course, I don't believe him. He always wants to ft, so I think I have decided that I will tonight to talk to him about stuff. I honestly am starting to think it's my fault, but I guess I will find out tonight.
We face-timed, it was scary because it felt that we haven't talked forever.
I got to meet his friend, It was at his football game, he plays football too. We exchanged numbers and snap-chats, his name is Alex. He's pretty cute not gonna lie, but I would never do that to Tyler.. never. I'm still very stressed about everything and it's making me anxious.
Alex and I have been talking a lot recently, more than me and Tyler. That's not good. At all. I started to wonder if Tyler is setting me up to see if I'm a good girlfriend. So I'll just stop talking to him.
As I said I would stop texting Alex, well did. He has been texting me non-stop but I have nothing else to do besides to just ignore him. I would never want to be caught cheating, especially if it's my boyfriend's best friend.
Today is my and Tyler's 1 year and 3 month anniversary. He didn't seem too excited when I called him this morning saying 'Happy Anniversary!' It was like it wasn't even a thing tonight. He even turned down a night out with me! No, I'm not a drama queen but I def did just cry about that topic for like 3 hours. It hurts a bit, because when I'm getting turned down for certain things by my own boyfriend. Something is def up. I think I'm going to have to talk to Alex about this. Maybe he knows what's up?
Well turns out Alex did know what was up. Turns out Tyler is falling out of love. It hurts yes it does. But what confuses me is that what did I do wrong? Is there another girl in the picture? Is someone telling you you shouldn't be with me? Did your grandma find out you finally had a girlfriend? Do you not want a girlfriend anymore? Did your mom or dad change their mind and simply disapprove of me? Or just the main question. Why are you falling out of love? Now, don't get me wrong but I certainly don't know the correct answer because Alex could've made up something because he didn't want to tell me the truth or maybe he doesn't know the answer, or maybe it is the truth. Yes, I overthink so much, but at the same time, I would love to get to the bottom of this and just know the truth. Because thinking that I might not know the truth, hurts me more than I even need it to. It's not my fault I overthink so much. I just can't control it. I just can't- I try every day to maybe get over it, but since I'm not to the bottom of this important situation, yes I am going to worry a lot. I'm not going to get over something major like this. I just can't.
