Unlike it’s depicted in film and novels, relationships don’t have happy endings in real life. The truth of the matter is that there is no neat bow to tie on the relationship that signifies smooth sailing “from here on out,” and there is no primary obstacle to overcome before getting to a point of resolution. In reality, love is only a portion of the picture, a piece of the puzzle. There is so much work that goes into a relationship, that it’s ongoing. In order to be happy and healthy together, very much in love, you absolutely must put in that effort on a daily basis. And a lot of that work is directly connected to communication. Without the clear communication, there are misconceptions, mistakes, lies by omission, trust-breaking episodes, and eventually, breakups. So, how do you better establish clear communication in your relationship?

#1 Avoid Speaking While Angry

Seriously, when you’re upset, you say things you don’t mean. This goes for everyone, including your partner. It’s perfectly normal, but avoidable. If you, or your partner, or both, are angry, take some time away to calm down before speaking.

#2 Stop Assuming

When you speak to your partner, do you really listen, or do you assume you know what’s being said? For instance, if you assume your partner is saying he wants to stop taking you out, because it’s a hassle, you might wind up missing the fact that he feels you’re both eating out too often and should be healthier.

#3 Lead By Example

We’ve heard this classic line too many times to count, but do we implement it? If you truly want clear communication from your partner, then you also need to be crystal clear. That means be as detailed as possible, don’t forget details, and answer any questions, before asking yours.

#4 Give & You Shall Receive

If you want respect when talking about serious business, then you need to be prepared to give it. It works both ways. So, if you feel disrespected, make sure you check your own behavior and change what needs to be improved upon, before pointing the finger.

#5 Approach the Issue, Not the Person

Too many times, people get defensive because they feel attacked. Rather than attack your partner directly, approach each issue as if certain circumstances really bother you. For instance, instead of saying “you really annoy me when you interrupt me,” just say something like “I dislike not being able to fully explain myself.”

#6 Aim for Resolution

Finally, don’t just sit down to talk and wind up chasing your tails. The objective of every serious talk should be to

1) lay the cards out on the table,

2) weigh pros and cons, and

3) find a solution you can both live with. With a resolution in sight, you can both go right back to being infatuated again!